Tag: Mental Health

Exposing the imposter within

“Each time I write a book, every time I face that yellow pad, the challenge is so great. I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.”

– Maya Angelou

I remember our school time fun moment which used to happen during the declaration of test results. The response to the results declaration was hilariously different and characteristic for the party of boys and party of girls.

You will find that person (mostly in girls but boys are not exception to this too) who has got 90% (well above average but not as good as topper of the class) would be in a serious pressure and sad about his/her marks, on the other hand there is one person (definitely a boy here) who has secured just passing marks and is in cloud nine, seventh heaven and has already planned how he is going to celebrate this; To further add to this joy, he now knows that his best friend has passed ( by teacher’s and God’s grace!!!) with the grace marks. Now there is no space to contain such victorious joy. (One more funny thing which spices up this event is that the boy is confident and aware that his selectively written answers were sufficient enough for him to pass and girl/boy were shocked for not getting enough marks for such thorough answers!!) Man, those days were fun!

The sad thing was that those who had performed well enough were not considering themselves successful enough.

There are some moments in our lives as we grow up where people know that we are master of the art but we still think that this is only because of sheer luck, chance an anybody can easily replace you. It is just a matter of time.

Although you know that you are master of your art but still you think that there are somethings which can go wrong. These are the exact moments when you also think that if this is done right, it will be only because of the other external factors but not your competences or your hold on the art. You feel like at any moment someone will easily replace you and expose you as a fraudulent person who just pretended to have mastery over that art.

Albert Einstein, one of the smartest peoples the world has ever seen had following opinion about himself:

“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler”

– Albert Einstein

The reality is that the lifework of Albert Einstein is so valuable and beyond the general comprehension of normal human brain. Even today, many years after his absence we are learning new things from his already established ideas.

Will you call this the humility of a scholar because of the achievement the ultimate knowledge?

Maybe Yes or maybe No.

There similar examples of great people who just consider themselves lucky to excel in their careers and consider themselves fraud. They are sure that sometimes this whole game will be exposed to the public and people will see that these people were just pretending to be successful. And master of their art. There is also one ideology called “Fake it, until you make it!” (Although further discussion on this will deviate from this topic)     

Agatha Christie- the best-selling author of detective novels, the novels which outsold even the bible and Shakespearean writings had following opinion about her penmanship:

“I don’t know whether other authors feel it, but I think quite a lot do- that I’m pretending to be something that I’m not, because even nowadays, I do not quite feel as though I am an author.”

– Agatha Christie

Will you still call this the humility of true knowledge, wisdom?

There is one interesting concept in psychology called the Imposter Syndrome which deals with such feelings. Imposter Syndrome loosely refers to a person’s feeling of not being worthy, undeserving of the accolades from the people.

Imposter Syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persists despite evident success. Meaning even if there are many objective proofs, indicators for the success. Mastery of the person the person still thinks that it is not because of him/her ad discredits himself/herself.  This person thinks that he/she she is just an impersonator, actor or some fraud acting of having the success or the skills. People with Imposter syndrome finds it difficult to accept their achievements, digesting people’s praise is difficult for them and always in a fear that maybe they will be exposed in a really bad way.

The Imposter syndrome was first identified by Dr. Pauline Rose Clance and Dr. Suzanne Imes in their study on successful women. Maybe that is why in many believe that Imposter syndrome is observed more in successful women which is wrong. Later on, after exhaustive studies on different groups, it is found that Imposter syndrome can be found everywhere and is somewhat strong in underrepresented groups.

There are two important things to understand about imposter syndrome:

1) Highly skilled, highly knowledgeable people think that the others already know what they know so there is nothing special about what they know hence anyone can replace them easily. They are “that special” in the way others perceive them.  

2)  It is not just observed in high achieving and successful people only; Every one of us doubts themselves in their minds.

Everyone of us thinks that we are always on people’s radar or some spotlight where we are the focal point of everyone’s attention.

It is actually due to the difference between what we know about ourselves by our thoughts, our ideas, our fantasies, our fetishes, our guilty pleasures and what people know about ourselves by looking at us, seeing us doing things.

There is Japanese Proverb saying that:

“You have three faces. The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends, and your family. The third face, you never show anyone.”

Nobody wants to portray themselves as failures, nobody wants to expose those awkward failures in front of everyone and hence they try to safeguard their “Dark Secrets”. Hence, consider themselves fraud. We are the only one who know how exactly dark and gory our character is, hence we under-calculate ourselves.

But, to put in simple words- “Nobody cares what you are doing”. The funny thing is that everyone else is also thinking themselves at the focal point of people around themselves. Everyone is in spotlight, under radar of their own worlds. The moment you realize that how deeply everyone is sunk in their own life that they don’t even care about or have time to look into other people’s lives is the moment when you understand that it happens with everyone.

Types of Imposter Syndrome

There are five different types of Imposter Syndrome

  1. The Perfectionists – These are the people who are always aiming for perfection, setting excessively high goals thereby not achieving them and under-calculating themselves. They think that they could have done it better. This can be eliminated by accepting that it is not about perfection but about the process. Mistakes, imperfections are part of life and cannot be eliminated at once by “perfect” way, “perfect” technique, “perfect” timing.
  2. The Expert– The expert type think that they will never know everything there is to know hence underestimate what they already know. This can be eliminated by realizing that there is always something new to learn, new perspective to develop in the learning, mastering.
  3. The Natural Genius– This type of peoples feel exposed/ fraud if they think that they are taking longer time than normal to achieve something. They think that it in innate in them do easily complete this task, hence are ashamed of their incompetence. This can be eliminated by being the part of the ongoing process, understanding that not everything can be mastered in a day, realizing the importance of the journey, the process.
  4. The Super wo/man– This type of super persons think that if you have not worked hard to achieve something then you don’t deserve it. (These are the people who will work extra office hours for that validation of promotion! Anyways jokes apart)
  5. The Soloist– These are the ones who feel ashamed to ask for help while achieving something. They feel like, requirement of that external assistance has reduced their worthiness of that achievement.

The causes for the development of imposter syndrome can be found in the type of family upbringing, exposure or shift to completely new work, performance environments, personalities showing low self-esteems, perfectionism, neuroticism, social anxiety.   

Eliminating the Imposter in you

The best way to deal with the imposter syndrome is knowing the fact that you are not the center of attention. When one understands that there is no such “spotlight” or radar over us to calculate our fraudulence, then one can become free from the judgements and metering of the achievement thereby accepting the process, the journey.

The other important part is to objectively check your abilities and their contribution to your achievements. The objective comparison will really give you the amount of your influence, your competence in that achievement.

Talk to others, open up, share what you feel. This will surprisingly show that the things you considered as awkward are happened with others too and realizing this will show you how common such things, such beliefs, such feelings are around us. Mistakes, imperfections are part of the process and happen all the time and are more common among people, everyone.

Last but not the least, know that everyone has their unique perspective about the same things which makes them to believe that the thing is special. What perspective helped you to easily understand the thing might be difficult for the other person because of lack of that perspective and its opposite is also true. Understand the perspectives of your peers, people around you and constructively have a feed-back in the process which will give you the awareness that you not the only one who thinks the way you think.

After all we are all the same but unique in a way.

(Also in later stages of life, nobody (including you) cares about how many marks you secured in tests, :D)

“It’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not.”

– Denis Waitley

Battle Symphony- The anthem of emotional support

Battle symphony serves as the best personal encouragement song for all of us fighting their own battles. It also highlights the importance of emotional support to people around us who need it the most and are unable to express themselves at such critical moments.

Linkin Park is one of the most loved music bands in the world. I will take this opportunity to highlight the importance of one of their songs called ‘Battle Symphony”. This is the song that deserves a personal and global attention. I will dive directly into the song:

I got a long way to go
And a long memory
I've been searching for an answer
Always just out of reach
Blood on the floor
Sirens repeat
I've been searching for the courage
To face my enemies
When they turn down the lights
I hear my battle symphony
All the world in front of me
If my armor breaks
I'll fuse it back together
Battle symphony
Please just don't give up on me
And my eyes are wide awake
For my battle symphony 
They say that I don't belong
Say that I should retreat
That I'm marching to the rhythm
Of a lonesome defeat
But the sound of your voice
Puts the pain in reverse
No surrender, no illusions
And for better or worse 
If I fall, get knocked down
Pick myself up off the ground
If I fall, get knocked down
Pick myself up off the ground
Songwriters: Bradford Philip Delson / Chester Bennington / David Farrell / Jonathan Ian Green / Joseph Hahn / Mike Shinoda / Robert G. Bourdon 
Battle Symphony lyrics Copyrights to Universal Music Publishing Group  

Here, our songwriter (writer hereon) is accepting the truth that whatever quest he has embarked upon, it is all about journey not the destination. ‘A long way to go’ signifies that our writer has accepted that the journey from here on will be full of challenges and hardships. He has his memory as a companion with him. ‘Long memory’ is called to highlight the experience, learnings he has gathered in this long journey. These experiences/ learnings have actually made him to accept the beauty of journey, process irrespective of the destination.

The ‘answer always JUST out of reach’ shows that the writer is closer to his moment of perfection, moment of achievement to finally satisfy him but that perfection always remains unachievable. ‘Blood on the floor’ and ‘repeating sirens’ show the severity of hardships, the severity of challenges, the extents of conflicts our writer is going through. The bloodshed mentioned here shows how the conflicts- inner or outer they may be, are going to turn out. Sirens are meant as a warning sign that are showing that this is a ‘NO GO’ zone, that our writer is attempting a thing that is not meant to be in his favor but still he has accepted to be in it.

‘Search for courage to face my enemies’- is such a powerful statement. It shows how our writer even at his worst is ready to deal with the situation. He is not demanding for this situation to end on its own, rather he wants the courage to face the situation by himself. The search for courage shows that he is really scared of the situation but he is not going to turn around now. He is beyond that ‘point of no return’. The enemies that our writer is mentioning here are the demons that he has created for himself, his inner conflicts. The quest for perfection explained already in the lines before and the inner demons mentioned here show that there is a huge difference between the worlds our writer had imagined and the reality he is going through. This drastic difference between reality and imagination has created those demons for our writer. These demons of conflicts are what blanking his senses, are making him indecisive/helpless, are making him to lose his potential, to under-perform. That is why he is saying that his enemies have turned down the lights, turning down the light shows that our writer has become directionless, he is unaware of his surroundings hence unable to decide what to do next, how to defend himself.

The battle symphony is the only thing which is like that ‘sixth sense’ for our writer to sustain through this long way. The literal meaning of symphony is the ‘a usually long musical composition for a full orchestra’. How could a battle have symphony? We have already heard about ‘battle cry’, ‘battle call’ or ‘war call’. Then why is our writer is calling it a battle symphony?  The use of symphony is very important for this song, the purpose of calling it a symphony and not a war call or battle cry is revealed in the next line as ‘all the world in front of me’. The writer calls all the world as his enemy because it is not matching the standards he has set in his mind. It is only the harmony- as in ‘symphony’ of his relationship with that one special person closer to him which is keeping him alive through this battle. That special person is the only thing that is empowering him to fight against the whole world.

Here, there can be different interpretations:

One can be that our writer is fighting his inner demons, his own mental condition- illness. The support of his loved ones is the only thing which is responsible for his survival in this battle with his inner conflicts.

Another interpretation can be that our writer has taken a decision against the regular customs of the world which made the whole world his enemy. It is only the support from his loved ones which is empowering him to endure through the hardships.

Even on multiple failures our writer is ready to accept the outcome, learn from them and get ready for next fight, hence fusing the armor comes next. He is just expecting for his loved ones to count on him, to believe in him to endure this fight. This fight is not just about winning and losing, it is about survival hence it has already been considered as a journey and not a destination. He is ensuring his loved ones, his support system that even if he may seem defeated but his eyes are wide awake. Here, eyes closed indicate death, acceptance of defeat in the battle. Our writer keeping his eyes wide awake shows that whatever will the outcome he will stand strong and keep on fighting through the battle.

The advice of people to retreat, that opinion of not belonging to the place are the metaphors of self-doubt, fear our writer is experiencing. This too has two interpretations- it may be the inner doubts or the real people mocking on his face. But, the march to the rhythm of lonesome defeat really shows the spirit and confidence with which our writer has accepted the outcomes of this battle. ‘Win or lose’- whatever the outcome will be, the decision to fight through it will remain the same.

The writer considers ‘the sound of voice’ of his loved ones which may be a person or people who truly believe in him as cure for his pain. The ‘sound of voice’ is actually implied as an encouragement by his loved ones which is reducing his pain, calming him down.

There is no turning back for our writer from here on in his battle with the world and with his inner conflicts. Only thing he demands is the support, the trust from his loved ones.

The song battle symphony is important in many ways. First of all, its main intention is to communicate the feelings that people are going through inner conflicts/experiences, but it is also helpful in other way around.  Every one of us is fighting his/her own battle in many ways – on different fronts; some people are strong enough to open up themselves to the others and some people choose to keep things to themselves. The second category of people are the ones this song highlights on. These are the people who are highly doubtful about themselves, they are highly aware of their surrounding and how people may make fun of them, how people will make them feel embarrassed. These types of people are highly susceptible to inner conflicts. These are the people who need good listeners, these are the people who need that unexpected support. Sometimes, they may not express it in words but if you find someone going through such hardships, please ensure that they are made aware that there is always somebody for helping them. One problem in this situation is that the people gong through such challenges are very hard to notice.  

I will share one anecdote from George Bernard Shaw with you:

A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, the one I feed the most.

-George Bernard Shaw

Whenever you find yourself or any of person in your surrounding having such conflicts, remember that every conflict whether it may be inner conflict with a conflict with others, it becomes easy when correct support, encouragement is provided. It my not solve the conflict for the person but it will definitely give him/her the courage to endure through that battle. This is applicable not only to a person but to the nations, groups, ethnicity, races, casts, cultures. It is just about what cause, what option you are supporting. That will decide the outcome. Being the only known self-aware species in the universe, it becomes a responsibility of us as humans to understand the real problems lying underneath, and resolving them to win-win situations. That will really indicate the proposition of calling ourselves ‘self-aware’. The one who becomes self-aware also becomes aware of how others experience the things- creating that bridge between him/her and others.  

Battle Symphony by Linkin Park