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The Last Lecture – How to break the cycle of birth and death?

Realization of the limitations of life

Here is a quick question-

“What will you do when you realize that you are going to die within few weeks, months?“

The question is really difficult to answer for everyone but the most basic answer would be to live the moments you have to the fullest. I have realized through the experiences and examples around me that the awareness, the realization of death itself is a new birth. One would be never the same as he/she were after having this realization.

The realization brings in two basic questions (actually there would be infinite number of questions in such scenario but they all boil down to a few):

One – What should I do with the time that I have? and Two – What would/could happen after the end of my existence?

In most of the cases, the first part consumes most of the remaining life one has- as it is the part where the person has most of the control and there is nothing wrong with that. But those who conquer the second question kind of win with the first part of the question and the game of life and death itself to some extent.

This reflects the most important part of us being the human species. We always want to cheat the death. We always want to make sure that we will remain around even when we are not physically there. We want people – especially our loved ones to remember us in their lifetimes.

It all boils down to your legacy.

The Last lecture by Randy Pausch – The lecture and the book

One smart person went through one such event which changed the way people around him and people who will be exposed to his legacy will remember him. Randy Pausch – a professor in Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon gave a lecture which is sufficient enough for every human to have a perspective towards life. The lecture soon turned into a book which has interesting ideas, events, thought processes from his life which show us why he thought so, what inspired him to say that exact line in his last lecture. It should be on every person’s read list, watch list.

Every simple thing becomes special when one becomes aware of its backstory, its origin. “The Last Lecture” by Randy was special not because it was his last one (supposedly), it was because of the ideas that inspired him to deliver that lecture. At the age of 45 in September 2006 Randy was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was told that he has time of only three to six months to live. Inspired by the ongoing lecture series in his university where he worked and being a teacher/lecturer to heart, he decided to deliver one such lecture that will help others to achieve their dreams. He named the lecture – “Achieving Your Childhood Dreams”. The lecture was Randy’s learnings and life experiences boiled down into some slides of a presentation.

The book called “The last Lecture” came after the lecture and became the bestseller. The lecture is a great phenomenon in itself but the book is more insightful and also dives deeper into Randy’s life events. The book has literally added more life to every word in Randy’s lecture. While reading the book you will understand the events and motivations held by Randy while he was delivering this last lecture.

The need for the lecture and the book

It became apparent that Randy has very less time left to spend with his family (his wife Jai and three children Dylan, Logan and Chloe). Randy realized that he won’t be there to experience the upcoming events with his children. That was one of the motivations to deliver this last lecture. This lecture is not just a one and half hour of knowledge or wisdom blurted out because he has very less time on earth. Randy could have done other valuable things than delivering the lecture but he didn’t. Actually, for Randy this was his masterpiece lecture and it truly is a masterpiece. This lecture by Randy Pausch is actually who we are as a true human being. We want to cheat death in some way. We want to create that legacy for the next generation, we want to fool the time and its flow.

The highlights of “The Last Lecture”

Every word in this book is a drop of the elixir of life. The lecture, the book, the very sentences are treasure chests of lifelong wisdom. There are many parts in this lecture which will make you reflect on your own motivations for life, dreams.

The brick walls

You will find all types of brick walls in Randy’s lectures. Randy makes a point clear that there always will be brick walls, hurdles in your life. How you strongly want something will either make you break the wall or leave it as it was.

“The brick walls are there for a reason. They’re not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.”
Randy Pausch

Randy also points a beautiful idea about the brick walls which I loved a lot. Randy says that the brick walls are there to actually help you have the seriousness for your real desires and reduce the distractions.

“The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”
Randy Pausch

There is one “Romantic brick wall” Randy discusses, which should be left for personal experiences of readers and listeners (believe me it is worth reading and contemplating) It makes a good point on lifelong love and relationship we develop with our partner.

The concept of head fake

Randy gives one interesting trick for lifelong teaching and learning. What is a gift of the greatest teacher? It is the ability to create the interest of students into his topic and make them aware of the magic this knowledge can do. Randy establishes with many examples that you can teach anyone anything if you divert there focus from the target/destination to the actual process/journey. Randy calls this trick of diversion as a head-fake. The student won’t even realize what they will be approaching while learning but when reached to the target – when learnt something, they will truly appreciate the process and the teacher himself. It is more enjoyable in the book. Randy makes sure that this head-fake keeps bringing its head up throughout the lecture and the book.

Intellectual Humility

Even if you are right all the time that does not mean that everyone will accept you all the time. While being intelligent we humans are emotional creatures too. Most of the time the emotional part is heavier than the intellectual part. Randy tells a story of his “Dutch uncle” who subtly pointed his arrogant behavior with the people even when he was smarter than them.

Value of time

One of the most interesting things about the last lecture is that how Randy thinks about time management. The ideas conveyed through the lecture are unconventional- like these are some of the most practical advices on time management. Questioning the things on which you are spending time, having a to-do list (even if you might think of changing it later), discipline of handling random things to save the time lost in searching them at the last hour, delegating the tasks and trusting people with these tasks can free your hands, taking breaks are some of the most practical and doable things Randy suggests about time management.

Collaborate with different types of people

Not restricting yourselves to one stream, ideas, group of people can do a great value addition in your personality. Randy asks everyone to work in a team and not only in a team but in different types of teams, different types of people. In many parts of the book, you will realize how Randy’s teaching techniques always were connected to group learning and Randy gives some of the best examples on the success of this method. Working in teams and power of multidisciplinary learning is one key takeaway Randy provides.

Sustainable and long-term thinking

Randy has also highlighted the importance of long-term benefit over a short-term pleasure. He makes everyone aware of the value of being earnest person – a person with a core rather than being a hip who is just on surface trying to impress everyone.

Contingency plan – “All you have is what you bring with you”

Randy gives optimism a different dimension called practical optimism. Even though he knows that he has to enjoy every moment in his life, Randy does not run away from the reality of disease and the death closing in and he proves that with many examples from his life events. Practical optimism is thinking about the limitations of the situation and getting ready handle those worse conditions. Randy gives a quick disaster management lesson through one such part in his lecture.

Get a feedback loop; and listen to it.

One important part of intellectual humility is feedback and taking actions on this feedback. Valuing the feedback can create wonders in your personality and help you to connect with other on deeper levels

Create a legacy, Cheat death

Randy wants everyone to have a sense of giving back to the society. On a personal level it becomes, your duty to put your trust in someone to transfer your wisdom in the development of that person. That is how humanity has evolved and made breakthroughs. Randy tells about many of his students and colleagues to prove his point and his motivation behind it.

The lecture, the book is the legacy that Randy wants to give to the society.

At the end of the lecture, Randy has kept a surprise for every reader, listener which will again prove the point that he is one of the greatest persons, teacher, father humanity has ever seen.

You will also realize that every human life is so special in different aspects when you closely inspect the life events from Randy’s Last lecture. These are life events which are common to every human being in every way. I think Randy’s thoughts, life events actually celebrate the meaning of being a human being.

Legacy- The cycle breaker

We are constantly chasing something over our entire lifetime- money, fame, peace, satisfaction and what not. We always have some goals even though they are not called as “goals” but they are always there in the form of our desires, wishes, expectations.

Either you achieve them or you don’t. So, there are always two possible outcomes for every pursuit of desire- goal:

You did something today. Things turned out to be great – Congratulations! Now move ahead with greater task to benefit yourselves and others.

You did something today. Things were not so good – Sorry for your loss (prepare for the punishment in worst case!) How will you work on things to cope with this and get out of it.

The thing which remains same in both cases is that you will show up on the next day. There is 100% chance that you will live tomorrow to celebrate/ build further or to work things out/solve the problem. The goals dictate this direction, the modus operandi for what should be done next, to achieve what you want. It tells you to have a vision, a future outlook.

But what happens when there is no future for you? Do your goals- short term, long term your true calling matter? What if someone tells you that you have only few days in your life. What will happen to your long term and short-term goals, your inner calling? For me dying in a blink of a moment would be far easier than going through such a dreadful time with the information that the death is waiting for you just in the next corner.

This becomes the moment when we realize the things which we were striving/ fighting for. We become aware of the worthlessness of the things thereby valuing the life experiences in a wider sense. And things that we were chasing become worthless in front of the life experiences we had Which actually inspires us to create an awareness, a sense of value in the eyes of people we love. That is when we become self-less and seek for a legacy. The purpose of legacy and even legacy itself can sometimes be selfish, but a true legacy is always self-less.

Even though Randy wanted to create this legacy for his children and he highlights same intentions through his last lecture, one should remember that the life events he shares in this last lecture actually show how self-lessness can impart greatness to a simple human being. Thus, even though Randy’s intentions were selfish, the legacy he created becomes the greatest legacy – the selfless legacy humanity can have forever.

The legacy is what makes others after our time to build upon something to advance further and which lives there even when you are not around. We humans have this gift of legacy which ultimately makes us aware about the worthlessness of the things in the cycle of life and death and actually helps us to value the experiences in our lives in a greater and deeper sense.

For further exploration:

Randy Pausch Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams
The Last Lecture – by Randy Pausch with Jeffrey Zaslow

Image Reference- Death and Life by Gustav Klimt from W i kimedia

P.S. – One of the most important and experience shared by Randy that I loved was his quote in the early part as follows:

Every quote from hereon belong to The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.

“If you dispense your own wisdom, others often dismiss it: if you offer wisdom from a third party, it seems less arrogant and more acceptable.”
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

This also reflects that even after being a great teacher/ educator, Randy practiced intellectual humility to the heart and he was really master of his art.

There are many great lines which deserve separate attention and they should inspire you to visit this lecture especially the book for once in your lifetime.

“Engineering isn’t about perfect solutions; it’s about doing the best you can with limited resources.”
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

“If you can dream it, you can do it.”
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

“If you dispense your own wisdom, others often dismiss it; if you offer your wisdom from a third party, it seems less arrogant and more acceptable.”
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

“Never make a decision until you have to.”
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

“Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcome.”
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

“If you can find an opening, you can probably find a way to float through it.”
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

“You’ve got to get the fundamentals down, because the fancy stuff is not going to work”
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

When you’re screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they’ve given up on you.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Tenacity is a virtue, but it’s not always crucial for everyone ho hard you work at something.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

People are more important than things.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

If she doesn’t really love you, then it’s over. And if she does love you, then love will win out.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Not everything needs to be fixed.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Don’t complain, just work harder.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Never lose the child-like wonder
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Start by sitting together
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Go out and do for the others what somebody did for you.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

A good apology is like an antibiotic; a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

There is more than one way to measure sure profits and losses. On every level, institutions can and should have a heart.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

If you can find your footing between two cultures, sometimes you can have the best of the both worlds.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

When we’re connected to others, we become better people.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

All you have to do is ask.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Be good at something: it makes you valuable.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Find the best in everybody; no matter how you have to wait for them to show it.
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Exposing the imposter within

“Each time I write a book, every time I face that yellow pad, the challenge is so great. I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.”

– Maya Angelou

I remember our school time fun moment which used to happen during the declaration of test results. The response to the results declaration was hilariously different and characteristic for the party of boys and party of girls.

You will find that person (mostly in girls but boys are not exception to this too) who has got 90% (well above average but not as good as topper of the class) would be in a serious pressure and sad about his/her marks, on the other hand there is one person (definitely a boy here) who has secured just passing marks and is in cloud nine, seventh heaven and has already planned how he is going to celebrate this; To further add to this joy, he now knows that his best friend has passed ( by teacher’s and God’s grace!!!) with the grace marks. Now there is no space to contain such victorious joy. (One more funny thing which spices up this event is that the boy is confident and aware that his selectively written answers were sufficient enough for him to pass and girl/boy were shocked for not getting enough marks for such thorough answers!!) Man, those days were fun!

The sad thing was that those who had performed well enough were not considering themselves successful enough.

There are some moments in our lives as we grow up where people know that we are master of the art but we still think that this is only because of sheer luck, chance an anybody can easily replace you. It is just a matter of time.

Although you know that you are master of your art but still you think that there are somethings which can go wrong. These are the exact moments when you also think that if this is done right, it will be only because of the other external factors but not your competences or your hold on the art. You feel like at any moment someone will easily replace you and expose you as a fraudulent person who just pretended to have mastery over that art.

Albert Einstein, one of the smartest peoples the world has ever seen had following opinion about himself:

“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler”

– Albert Einstein

The reality is that the lifework of Albert Einstein is so valuable and beyond the general comprehension of normal human brain. Even today, many years after his absence we are learning new things from his already established ideas.

Will you call this the humility of a scholar because of the achievement the ultimate knowledge?

Maybe Yes or maybe No.

There similar examples of great people who just consider themselves lucky to excel in their careers and consider themselves fraud. They are sure that sometimes this whole game will be exposed to the public and people will see that these people were just pretending to be successful. And master of their art. There is also one ideology called “Fake it, until you make it!” (Although further discussion on this will deviate from this topic)

Agatha Christie- the best-selling author of detective novels, the novels which outsold even the bible and Shakespearean writings had following opinion about her penmanship:

“I don’t know whether other authors feel it, but I think quite a lot do- that I’m pretending to be something that I’m not, because even nowadays, I do not quite feel as though I am an author.”

– Agatha Christie

Will you still call this the humility of true knowledge, wisdom?

There is one interesting concept in psychology called the Imposter Syndrome which deals with such feelings. Imposter Syndrome loosely refers to a person’s feeling of not being worthy, undeserving of the accolades from the people.

Imposter Syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persists despite evident success. Meaning even if there are many objective proofs, indicators for the success. Mastery of the person the person still thinks that it is not because of him/her ad discredits himself/herself. This person thinks that he/she she is just an impersonator, actor or some fraud acting of having the success or the skills. People with Imposter syndrome finds it difficult to accept their achievements, digesting people’s praise is difficult for them and always in a fear that maybe they will be exposed in a really bad way.

The Imposter syndrome was first identified by Dr. Pauline Rose Clance and Dr. Suzanne Imes in their study on successful women. Maybe that is why in many believe that Imposter syndrome is observed more in successful women which is wrong. Later on, after exhaustive studies on different groups, it is found that Imposter syndrome can be found everywhere and is somewhat strong in underrepresented groups.

There are two important things to understand about imposter syndrome:

1) Highly skilled, highly knowledgeable people think that the others already know what they know so there is nothing special about what they know hence anyone can replace them easily. They are “that special” in the way others perceive them.

2) It is not just observed in high achieving and successful people only; Every one of us doubts themselves in their minds.

Everyone of us thinks that we are always on people’s radar or some spotlight where we are the focal point of everyone’s attention.

It is actually due to the difference between what we know about ourselves by our thoughts, our ideas, our fantasies, our fetishes, our guilty pleasures and what people know about ourselves by looking at us, seeing us doing things.

There is Japanese Proverb saying that:

“You have three faces. The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends, and your family. The third face, you never show anyone.”

Nobody wants to portray themselves as failures, nobody wants to expose those awkward failures in front of everyone and hence they try to safeguard their “Dark Secrets”. Hence, consider themselves fraud. We are the only one who know how exactly dark and gory our character is, hence we under-calculate ourselves.

But, to put in simple words- “Nobody cares what you are doing”. The funny thing is that everyone else is also thinking themselves at the focal point of people around themselves. Everyone is in spotlight, under radar of their own worlds. The moment you realize that how deeply everyone is sunk in their own life that they don’t even care about or have time to look into other people’s lives is the moment when you understand that it happens with everyone.

Types of Imposter Syndrome

There are five different types of Imposter Syndrome

The Perfectionists – These are the people who are always aiming for perfection, setting excessively high goals thereby not achieving them and under-calculating themselves. They think that they could have done it better. This can be eliminated by accepting that it is not about perfection but about the process. Mistakes, imperfections are part of life and cannot be eliminated at once by “perfect” way, “perfect” technique, “perfect” timing.
The Expert– The expert type think that they will never know everything there is to know hence underestimate what they already know. This can be eliminated by realizing that there is always something new to learn, new perspective to develop in the learning, mastering.
The Natural Genius– This type of peoples feel exposed/ fraud if they think that they are taking longer time than normal to achieve something. They think that it in innate in them do easily complete this task, hence are ashamed of their incompetence. This can be eliminated by being the part of the ongoing process, understanding that not everything can be mastered in a day, realizing the importance of the journey, the process.
The Super wo/man– This type of super persons think that if you have not worked hard to achieve something then you don’t deserve it. (These are the people who will work extra office hours for that validation of promotion! Anyways jokes apart)
The Soloist– These are the ones who feel ashamed to ask for help while achieving something. They feel like, requirement of that external assistance has reduced their worthiness of that achievement.

The causes for the development of imposter syndrome can be found in the type of family upbringing, exposure or shift to completely new work, performance environments, personalities showing low self-esteems, perfectionism, neuroticism, social anxiety.

Eliminating the Imposter in you

The best way to deal with the imposter syndrome is knowing the fact that you are not the center of attention. When one understands that there is no such “spotlight” or radar over us to calculate our fraudulence, then one can become free from the judgements and metering of the achievement thereby accepting the process, the journey.

The other important part is to objectively check your abilities and their contribution to your achievements. The objective comparison will really give you the amount of your influence, your competence in that achievement.

Talk to others, open up, share what you feel. This will surprisingly show that the things you considered as awkward are happened with others too and realizing this will show you how common such things, such beliefs, such feelings are around us. Mistakes, imperfections are part of the process and happen all the time and are more common among people, everyone.

Last but not the least, know that everyone has their unique perspective about the same things which makes them to believe that the thing is special. What perspective helped you to easily understand the thing might be difficult for the other person because of lack of that perspective and its opposite is also true. Understand the perspectives of your peers, people around you and constructively have a feed-back in the process which will give you the awareness that you not the only one who thinks the way you think.

After all we are all the same but unique in a way.

(Also in later stages of life, nobody (including you) cares about how many marks you secured in tests, :D)

“It’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not.”

– Denis Waitley